Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Finding peace

I have a 3.5 yo and a 2yo, peace can be a rare commodity in my house, especially if you follow it with "and quiet". I've gotten better about finding it more often in the past 6 months - getting more sleep really helps the mental equilibrium. I've also adopted some Buddhist thoughts that help. Mostly about letting go and accepting that things are as they are. Soem things are just not going to change soon, if at all & I have to work with reality, not with what I wish. Toddlers can be whiny at dinner and little whirlwinds in stores and messy in general. That is toddler nature. Getting all bent out of shape about it may provide a temporary relief to stress, but it is not a constructive way of dealing (She says during a quiet naptime that her children went down for without a fuss - for once) It's easy to say that & believe that when things are going well but in the midst of a meltdown screaming fit by 2 little boys in the checkout line at Safeway, it's not so easy to believe. Screaming at them or with them seems to make much more sense right then. So it's a slow process but I am getting better at it. I recommend the book "Buddhism for Mothers". It is based on Buddhist principles but the methods & recommendations it gives can be applied by anyone of any faith. the message is about finding peace & showing universal love.

I do mindful meditation too & that helps a lot. I focus on a task & experience every moment of it. Usually I do this in the shower because I have never really been able to think "now I am scraping the food off the plate. Listen to the sound the fork makes as it slides across the ceramic" without rolling my eyes at myself. But I can stand in a shower & think "Feel the warm water, feel the slight roughness of the loofa as you wash off". I alwys feel very relaxed adn peaceful after I do that, assuming that no small boys were pounding on the door shouting "JUICY MAMA! WANT JUICY!!" while I was doing it. Being 'in the moment', actually focusing on coloring with my children, rather than thinking about what I am going to make for dinner while I am coloring has really helped me.

To me finding peace involves acceptance of things that cannot be changed, knowledge that all things end (good, bad or indifferent), paying more attention to the things I don't want to change and faith that things will get better.

7 comments:

Bonnie said...

Oh I can so relate to your blog entry! I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old...
Peace what is that when you have small kids ha ha!

ArtcMom said...

Sounds like you have found a wonderful way to find that inner peace- good for you!!!

Meg said...

Wow, your words about focusing on coloring instead of thinking about dinner hit home. I was cleaning the kitchen today while helping Emma through a new workbook. And I know she loves it when I sit with her for those. I will be more focused! Thank you for sharing your techniques!

glynis said...

Great thoughts, Stacey. I try so hard to be 'in the moment' with my children...it doesn't always work, but just trying makes a difference. Thanks for the inspiration!

loonyhiker said...

Your lasr paragraph said it all for me! I want to be more like you!! Thanks for these thoughts.

heather said...

Yes yes yes!!! I am working on all the stuff you are, I can totally relate and I love Buddhist ideas too. I'm going to search for that book! It's probably harder to find inner peace as a mum than it is if you are a Buddhist monk LOL!!

faery-wings said...

Great post! And lots of great ideas. I too like to meditate in the shower- visualizing all of the "mental ick" running down the drain.
It is hard to be inthe moment with kids.... but that book sounds very interesting, I am going to have to check it out.